Sleeping in the Southern Summer

- Finished with Fire -

Today, I decided to be finished with Fire. 

I have learned

how to survive its heat.

I've let the flames caress my face 

And call me its partner.

The burning sensation

a cruel reminder

that I deserved the pain.

I've called myself a match stick,

attracted to the stricking sensation of sandpaper love.

That love that grinds you into ash

and doesn't bother to clean up the mess.

I have called myself broken kindling,

discarded trash daunted by the task of being set ablaze 

by the same lover 

with a different face.

I have called myself the pit,

tasked with holding the destruction at bay,

letting my hopes melt away 

within that dangerous embrace. 

Today, I decided to be finished with Fire. 

I will call myself Water.

I will be the soothing escape 

from the inferno  

I danced with 

for far too long.

I will extend out

into the world 

and be an element 

of necessity.

Those fiery scars will

be long forgotten ripples in the sea of me.

Waves that will slowly fade 

as I admire the bounty I carry.

Today, I decided to be  finished with Fire. 

- The Future is Unwritten -

Hopes and wishes

Dreams and schemes
Pinning goals
To my heart
Like a vision board
Painted in song notes
Scars from
Removed tacks
Creating a sieve
Where I seep
Out sections of myself
Patchwork bandages
Made of steps forward
Letting go
Living life
Without yesterday's weight
But lifted on tomorrow's wings

- Him & Her -

Addicted to the fire

that burns my skin
when the image of you
flashes through my mind
burning so bright
that the sunspots
created blend into
the shapes of us
that love like a
heavy stone
sitting in my stomach
grounding me to the world

- Feeding You -

You walked in

emaciated.
You said you were hungry
for love
and my cabinets were full.
So, I fed you.
I made meals out of my hopes,
taking bite-sized portions
of age-old dreams
and served them to you
on a platter made from
hands destined to satiate you.
You ate every bite,
smiled, and said
"Give me more."
So, I severed pieces of myself
and steeped a stew
of hugs and kisses.
You lapped it up,
frowned, and said
that it wasn't enough.
So, I cut my bone to
make a spoon for you
to drink my soul.
You licked the bowl
and complained about
the shape of the spoon.
You walked out
plump
saying you were full
of hate
but now my cabinets are empty
and I'm starving.

- Basic -

I have brown hair and brown eyes
olive skin with thunder thighs
that greet each other at every step.

When I walk down the street
I blend in with the crowd
the masses a shroud
that casts shadows of perception

Just another beige girl
in the played out palette of neutral shades
But I am a kaleidoscope of cacophonous colors
dulled only by your idea of truth

My long locks are luxurious crops
of hickory and mocha
that fingers fueled by wanderlust
to dream of running through

The windows of my soul
are pools of chestnut and honey
whose reflection radiates a light
that keeps you warm with hope

The soft touch of my ever sun-kissed skin
never fades from memory
after being wrapped in my embrace
you're left with a smile on your face

My body is designed
like the goddesses of old
meant to carry the world
or have it bow before me

- Waking in My Own Shoes -

It's taken me a long time
to come to terms
with the peace of me,
to see myself,
to believe in the intricacies
of my personality
that give me a value
beyond a price,
to find comfort
in my own skin,
to know myself well
and not run from her,
to leave the whispers
of doubt in the wind.

- The Sound of Silence -

The echo of the emptiness
is deafening
when you're forced
to sit still long enough
to listen
the pin-drop of betrayal
the scrape of self-deception
the clatter of realization
that only I am to blame
for the disappointment
befallen me
I pushed away the truth
like Atlas trying
to toss the world off his shoulders
never quite becoming free of it
the veracity of reality
that I know everyone
but me

- Etch a Sketch -

I learned the art
of subterfuge
as easily as
learning how to walk
becoming a chameleon
or a bursting firework
in order to achieve
enamored attention
or the bliss of silence
I twisted lies in my mind
to fit the narrative
written by other authors
who couldn't name
the color of my ink
so I let them
blend it with their own
because I believed
my lies more than the truths
their actions showed me
I became an Etch a Sketch
of personalities
to be what I thought
would please them most
lying to myself
over and over
thinking the hidden
version of myself
wasn't enough
a secret masterpiece
covered in a graffiti
of falsities

- Bubba -

I met
my first
best friend
The day
I was born
He held me
like a treasure chest
And I was alone
no more
I call him
My brother
My protector
My other half
He was my
first best friend
And all the others
Had to live up
To the standard
That he set

- The Weight of Matter -

Today,
between yawns
and laughs,
work and play,
dragging minutes
and lost hours,
I didn't think
of you at all.
You were just
a faded memory
being written over
by these ordinary
random moments
that matter more.
Like an erased file
on an old desktop,
you've become
the shadow on
the hard drive
slowly being rewritten.
I forgot about
the pain
the lies
the uncertainty
the insecurity
I forgot about you,
and when I remembered,
the hurt seemed to
matter less.

- Promises, Promises -

A thousand promises
made to a thousand people
and each met
in one way or another.
I promised my family
I would do and not try.
I promised my friends
I would be their's for always.
I promised countless children
I would catch them if they fall.
I've handed out promises
like they were candy
and every day is Halloween.
But, I've never kept
a single promise
made to myself.

Filling the void

We are the mist
the rolls in
with the dawn
strong and thick
with the smell
of new life
feeding the Morning Glory.
As the Sun rises
in the sky,
we rise into the blue,
entangling our essence
with those who were
formed around us,
creating a cloud
that brings both
blessed shade
and needed rain
until the sun sets
and we fade into the stars.

- Sleepless -

I lay awake
in the heavy dark
waiting for sleep
to come calling
but instead
refuses to visit
like a stubborn child
who doesn't want
to eat their vegetables

- Escapism -

I dove into work
without a second thought.
Drowning personal struggles
in professional dilemmas.
Devoting every ounce
of myself to a passion
that can weigh you down
by the endless
outpouring of need.
I've stripped myself
to the bare bones
in order to bring
warmth to those
who feel so alone.
But now, I feel cold.

- Take It All -

Sometimes my heart
is too big.
It is a treasure chest
left open
in the center of town,
free to all
who ask.
And as they
grow richer,
from the jewels
crafted by my soul,
I slowly deplete
into an empty
shell made
of hollow bone.
The marrow sacrificed
in the name of those
who need it more.

- Relapse -

Love is like
the last few drops
at the bottom of the bottle
and I have the shakes.
Just wanting
one quick sip
to cut the edge off.
But when the taste
hits my tongue,
I can't hold back,
and the next thing
I know,
I've blacked out
on a bender
and can't find
myself all over again.

- The Line -

Know when it's
gone too far
Know when you
have had enough
Know when there
is less of you
Know when to
step away
Know when they
no longer belong

- Harmony -

We begin our lives
as a quiet note
played on the heartstrings
of our parents.
As we grow,
our own melody
is written slowly.
The chords are made
through the days
strung together.
Keys struck in the
harmony of memory.
We are an amalgamation of verses
penned by our choices.
Write your own chorus
and remember
everyone else is just
the orchestra behind you

- Trepidation -

Life moves
like river water
and we cannot
flourish if
we stand on
the shore
constantly worried
about the
current pulling
us under.