- Catharsis -

When I first met you

we talked about the rain
and the threads of color
the clouds cry out after
the thunder fades
but after years of binding
my hands together in supplication
becoming a device of submission
to those who use my mind and body
like a crown crafted just for them
I lose you every time
lost to the sea of callous self-indulgence
my words becoming profoundly silent
when freedom comes from the sound
of pen and paper releasing me

- Ladylike -

What makes a woman

is not the waves of her hair
or the sway of her hips
but the fire in her stare

The height of her heels
is not what makes a lady real
it's not the smell of her perfume
but how she makes you feel

A woman is so much more
then the way she paints her face
the quality of her heart
is where she shows her grace

- Never Settle -

Part of me will

Always wonder how much
Time was spent settling for
Inadequate when I deserve
Extraordinary love
Never again will I
Consider anything less than
Exceptional

- Fragile -

Sometimes I find myself

missing the idea of
what I thought we were
your farcical whimsy
masquerading as romance
a brick house of trust
built on the bed of a river
whose rapids pulled me under.

- Forward -

Today I held

a new life
in the palm
of my hands
and took
another step
away from
my old life
with you

- Phoenix -

I have watched bruises fade

and winced at a memory
I have buried parts of my heart
and felt death pass through me
I have been burned to ashes
and rose again long before you
I have been reborn countless times
and bloomed with even greater glory

- Survivor -

I let you own me

Possess me
Flesh out parts and
Rewrite me
Into a lie of your making
Forsaking me
In the name of ego's glory
Breaking me
With the truth of you
Teaching me
The harsh reality of life
Defining me
By what I can survive

- Today -

Today I danced

as the wind tousled my hair
Today I inhaled
the scent of new book
Today I inspired
a team of children to try
Today I laughed
with parts of my heart
Today I felt
the coarse love of paws
Today I soaked
in the warm waters of home
Today I remembered
who I was before you

- I Am -

I felt so empty

a shell of
my former self
the weight of
my shattered world
crashing into me
an Atlas of
my own making
I felt so certain
that I would drown
in reality
until countless hands
lifted the pieces
of me
teaching my soul
I am enough

- Day by Day -

Some days are

better than others
Some days I can feel
the sun on my skin
and I know I'll
be alright again
Some days I can feel
the rain pour
from my eyes
and fear that love
was my demise

- Seeing Me -

I looked in your eyes

and searched for
The Sun in your stare
that light that held
every hope
and dream
and promise
of what I deserve
I looked and realized
that the shimmer that
drew me in
time after time
was my reflection
looking back at me

- Sight -

I saw you today.

A masochist's attempt
to shut a door
I left open too long
I looked into eyes
whose glimmer once
drew me in
like a moth and a flame
Instead of light
I saw the ashes
of what's left of you
and felt the embers
of my soul call to me
saying
"You shall rise again"
I saw you today
and locked the
door behind me

- Lost Me -

I once was the girl
who jived with Casey Kasem
and knew every word
to my favorite songs.
Then you came along.
I gave you my radio
and you turned the dial.
Now I can't remember
My Music.

I once was the girl
who painted portraits
of princesses from
brushes dipped in pretend.
Then you came along.
I gave you my pallete
and you traded creation for reality.
Now I can't remember
My Dreams.

I once was the girl
who lived among tree tops
thriving on the smell of sap
and the feel of moss.
Then you came along.
I gave you my hand
and you led me inside.
Now I can't remember
My Serenity.

I once was the girl
who poured out poetry
from my fingertips like
my blood was made of ink.
Then you came along.
I gave you my pen
and you rewrote my identity.
Now I can't remember
My Words.

- The Bridge -

I built a bridge

made up of open hands.

Planks made of oaths
stronger than oak.
Then, I lit a match
marked Romance
and burned both ends.
As the smoke
began to swell and I
struggled to breathe,
I waited for the fall.
Instead, I found
the bridge firmly
planted beneath
my feet.

Duplicity

Bury Your Dreams

To the Pain

I have too often
Become drunk on the disdain and pain.
The subtle shattering of my soul.
The disgusting, destructive thrill
of knowing Hope is nil.
I find comfort in the loneliness.
The way it somehow fills the emptiness.
A blitzkrieg of brutal bliss
Built with the unhindered hate
of those whose trust was revoked too late.
So, I mutilate my feet.
As I walk across a silent street
paved with shards of mistake and memory
and dreams I could not keep.
I amputate my merciless hands
who have wrapped their thirsty fingers around
perpetual promises proved preposterous. 

I've wiped away
Bloody knuckles grasping
at fragments of the facade
I've tried too hard to portray.
I cut away at my nose
As it shows each lie I've tried to hide
The sickeningly sweet scent of suffering
when what I thought was  

Trust and Sincerity is finally seen
as just the means to a selfish end.
I gouge out the eye
firmly found to the left
The sight of a self-saboteur
bereft of potential whos given in 

to my masochistic moods.
The pain makes me shiver with serenity
The anguish of it so inconsequential
compared to the high I find
in my solemnity devoured.
I rip the right eye at the root
Leaving me blind to the seduction
of destruction.
I see no more
Only hear the painful screams
that teem with every punishment
I so readily inflect
on a soul I know as a shadow of myself.
To her I send my steady stream of hate.
I sentence her to the pain.
Let her relish in the shame.

Less Than

A man who

Demands 

to be seen as a man,

who speaks poetry 

but shows ineptitude,

is not a man.

He is, instead,

a petulant boy

while has out grown

his ability for

Conscience. 

Face Reality

Addicted to the Fantasy

Spent my whole life

Addicted to the Fantasy

of "Meant to Be"

Injecting hit after hit
of that drug called Love
Refusing to quit
Even after the track marks
left me scarred
Leaving my heart raw and marred
Coming down from the high
my sunken eyes can barely recognize
who I am anymore
Addicted to the dream
of "Happily Ever After"
Finding perpetual disaster
It's time to put the needle down
and delete the dealer's number
Before my soul gets buried six feet under 

Garden against Garden

One side of me is hunched

from the weight of The Watering Can 

that I've used to help Your Garden grow 

from little more than sand.

The first seeds I planted were Carnations,

whose sickly sweet scent burned my nose.

But, the sacrifice of My Petals 

was not enough to make the flowers grow.

The next time I planted Marigolds,

caring for each and every blossom until it hurt,

cutting myself on the rocks and roots 

hidden beneath the overmoistened dirt.

Despite the pain, I tended and toiled

with the Hyacinth I nestled into the ground.

It blossomed for many long seasons.

Then, it withered without a sound.

I did all I could to keep Your Garden green.

My body twisting as The Can pulled me down.

I planted Petunias and Poppies

just to watch them each turn brown.

In this last attempt to grow Your Garden,

I planted grass both tall and thin.

It grew vibrant and lush,

but the smallest touch sliced my skin.

One side of me is hunched 

from the weight of tending Your Garden alone.

When I turn to seek more water,

I see the barren land that is my own.

Shadow Love