Anxiety

Tingling fingers
Won't stop
Tracing invisible scars
Of memory's nightmares
Feeling like
Fire fueled electric currents
Making pumping blood
thud
Like Thor's hammer
On a copper nail
Currents of fear
Pulling me under
A river of
running tears
That never fall
Just sit on
Braced lids
Each a Humpty Dumpty
Egg
Waiting to feel
The surrender of
Brokenness
Knowing no
Man can piece
The pieces of me
together
No rhyme
No reason
Just the ebb and flow
Of anxiety's seasons

Fate

Fate is a fickle beast

only fools

can try to tame 

we can try to blame

heartbreak

on time and circumstance

on the off chance that

turning clocks will renegotiate 

the loss

but time is only the scribe 

of Fate 

circumstance the pen

that Fate fills with red ink

leaving us to think 

only about the blood pumping 

through shattered veins 

thinking about losses and gains

and pain management 

a whole life spent

hoping Fate will

changes its ways

always truly knowing 

Fate will keep on going

exactly as it always has 

Growing tree.

When you take the time to look

At all the things you took 

For granted

By vision slanted

From heavy expectations

And childlike idealizations 

Of what the world should be

Too blind to see

That there is no rhyme or reasoning

To being

Life is not the destinations 

It's the contemplations

Made during the journey  

The laughter and the worry 

When the night is darkest

When the mean reds are starkest

When the green brings madness

When the blue brings sadness

When the sun is so bright 

All you see is the light 

That is what keeps us spinning 

Not the losing or winning 

When you take the time to look 

At what you took

For granted

The seed of hope is planted

The bud of life reborn

From the ashes of what was torn 

And burned 

But that seed can be turned 

Into the tree that grows each day 

Providing you shade along the way. 

What is it?

Real Love can never be 

a mistake

We make...

When the chips are down

And there's no one around

Real Love is 

what keeps you going

Keeps you growing stronger..

Even if it cannot last...

Even when it fades into the past...

Even when it is one sided...

Divided unevenly 

cut

Like cheap pizza

If it can be a mistake

That you leave in your wake

If it doesn't mean everything

Than it was never anything. 

http://youtu.be/mdJ6aUB2K4g

I'm just...

I'm just a breaker of things

never able to stop

before I bend the line 

so far it snaps. 

I'm just a ruined soul

that ruins 

perfect things

because I could. 

l'm just a dead king's touch

but it's fools gold 

with nothing but 

a toxic backlash.

I'm just a broken thing

making more

broken things

with no way to fix them. 

I'm just a hurricane

leaving everything 

shattered in

my wake. 

Faded Sandcastles

In my youth, I dreamed of days

when the world would succumb to
my whims and wants and ways,
but with each trip of the moon
that desire for power fades.
Thick ash fog presses down around me
by the cataclysms of life;
the mechanisms of clicking time
and lost rhyme
make strife stick like molasses
to the walls of my memory.
Deliver me back to when
I still wanted to grow up.
I want to go back to before ‘up’ was here, and fear
was only caused by imagination’s monsters.
Now I cry, terrified, as I
watch the old ‘mes’ fade.
Like chalk flowers in the rain,
Time devours all the pieces
of who I used to be,
but how hard can I fight
to save a memory?
All I ever wanted was to grow up.
Now, I’m stuck wanting desperately
to go back down the rabbit hole
of insecurity and frailty
instead of insecurity and responsibility.
But, I don’t have time for
Weakness or meekness
or even moments of true honesty.
Now, it’s just an ever growing list
of dos and don’ts and wants and can’ts
and “Dear god, son, pull up your pants!”
… because that’s a thing I say now…
Not sure how that happened
or when or why.
What happened to those diamonds that lit the sky?
The ones I’d count before I could fall asleep
while I wrapped myself in promises I meant to keep.
Now, they carry on without me
while I worry about
tax exemptions and pensions
and tension in my lower back
and the giant stack of “To be Graded”,
and the faces from the past get more faded.
I fight on to hold on
to the memories of talking trees
whispering to me in the breeze,
but there’s an ever-rising shore line
where butterscotch and skipping rocks
are drowned out by the self-doubt
thrust on you by someone else’s tide,
a wave of pride crashing around
the sandcastles
your grandmother built with you
back when wishes still came true.

The List

I started making a list for you

Of all the things you do,

But as I started compiling

I started realizing

What you do for me

Goes beyond the 1, 2, 3

Of us and we.

You and me

Is all I can and want and hope and see.

Nothing else will ever be

quite as much

As that unreal possibility.

Even after

the broken disaster.

When I look beyond now

And the who and why and how

Of my long term survival.

All I can think is

Who could make me laugh so much?

Bring electricity in a single touch?

Bring a smile from a million nothings?

Making giggles that burst me at the seams?

Where could I possibly go

After I already know

The sound of my heart

beating in someone else's chest?

What other pair of eyes,

Like bright Sunday morning skies,

Would I rather see

Looking up at me?

The way they see that me of me

And make me lose all words and worry,

But mostly words,

Except “I love you”.

.... To let the one go

who made me want to grow. 

To be better

To be smarter

To try harder

And be more

It's the hardest thing 

I’ve ever done before.

You

You are loved. 

Not for what you do

Not for pieces of you. 

But for who you are

For how you are 

For every scar

For every quality 

And memory

That built you.

Choices

We all make choices in this life. 
We chose to live for others. 
We chose to live for ourselves. 
We chose to take responsibility. 
We chose to make excuses.
We chose our lives.
And sometimes, 
choosing what is right is not the same as choosing what is easy.

Unknown

You think you know what tomorrow brings. 
But it's hard to know what life really means. 
Especially when dreams get ripped at the seams. 
Today, tomorrow, yesterday. 
Love and light is the only way.
Dreams may die but hope will stay.

Because

I feel in love with love

When I first saw 

the Beast give the library to Belle

Because a love like that 

means giving more than taking 

I've been called "Hopeless romantic"

Ever since I watched 

Cory kiss Topanga on the jungle gym

Because a love like that 

seemed hopelessly impossible

I've sat starry eyed 

As Paul held Holly 

And they kissed in the rain

Because a love like that 

is messy and beautiful 

I've made spells

With Sally Owens

For that perfectly perfect man 

Because a love like that 

didn't seem real

I've lived in my daydreams

Never knowing

That I was not alone 

Because a love like that 

Isn't always just a dream 

Everything

You're the high dive
At the community pool 
You're recess 
In elementary school
You're the smell of breakfast
On a summer morning
You're the sprinkle of snow
That comes without warning
You're the light at the shore
Bringing in the ships from the sea
You're the single spring bud
On a bare dogwood tree
You're the final piece of a puzzle
That makes the picture complete
You're everything
That makes life deliciously sweet

Inconceivable

How can a single touch

Mean so much?

A second glance

That feels like

A second chance

At what

Went missing 

So long ago 

I don't even know

When I lost it

Or what it even was...

Before dreams began to fuzz 

And fade

And life began to weigh

A heavy heart down. 

Every serendipitous second

Comes with the sound

Of iridescent 

Wings in bellies

Eyes meet

And a skipping heart beat

Treads over the waters 

of day dreams..

Making each moment seem

So precious 

So delicious 

So unbelievable
It's...

Raw Hearts

You've given your heart to no one
I've given it to all
Now you throw it into scarred hands
Just to watch it fall

Every chance I've had,
I've packaged up my heart
Hoping the receiver
Wouldn't tear the gift apart

Every chance you've had,
you've built walls to keep you strong
Years of broken dreams,
leaving you no where to belong

We've spent our years searching,
for that one elusive hope.
Someone to fix the brokenness
and help us find a way to cope

But time is a fickle thing,
Sometimes fate is not our friend
And we can't rely on someone else
to fix what we should mend.

I've learned enough of love
to know it doesn't always last.
It can feel like perfect bliss
then blow up in a  fiery blast.

Experience and time have taught me
more than I wish to know
It's brought me shining to the top
It's dragged me down below

We have to learn when to run,
when to walk and when to crawl
Or else we may hold a broken thing
while its skin is far  too raw.