To the Pain

I have too often
Become drunk on the disdain and pain.
The subtle shattering of my soul.
The disgusting, destructive thrill
of knowing Hope is nil.
I find comfort in the loneliness.
The way it somehow fills the emptiness.
A blitzkrieg of brutal bliss
Built with the unhindered hate
of those whose trust was revoked too late.
So, I mutilate my feet.
As I walk across a silent street
paved with shards of mistake and memory
and dreams I could not keep.
I amputate my merciless hands
who have wrapped their thirsty fingers around
perpetual promises proved preposterous. 

I've wiped away
Bloody knuckles grasping
at fragments of the facade
I've tried too hard to portray.
I cut away at my nose
As it shows each lie I've tried to hide
The sickeningly sweet scent of suffering
when what I thought was  

Trust and Sincerity is finally seen
as just the means to a selfish end.
I gouge out the eye
firmly found to the left
The sight of a self-saboteur
bereft of potential whos given in 

to my masochistic moods.
The pain makes me shiver with serenity
The anguish of it so inconsequential
compared to the high I find
in my solemnity devoured.
I rip the right eye at the root
Leaving me blind to the seduction
of destruction.
I see no more
Only hear the painful screams
that teem with every punishment
I so readily inflect
on a soul I know as a shadow of myself.
To her I send my steady stream of hate.
I sentence her to the pain.
Let her relish in the shame.